Dark Comedy: Hole in my pocket
by SPG inc
Summary: Max and Monica passing the time. How? By being stupid!


**_Boredom strikes me, and again I feel compelled to attempt a comedy story, and even worse I'm planning to start a series! 'The Dark Comedy' series (not that I'll do much with the series anyway)_**

**Dark Comedy:**

**Hole in my pocket**

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Max.

"WHAT! What is it?" Monica yelled back, spinning her sword with surprising skill considering it was longer than her arm and twice her weight (stupid Holy Daedalus Blade).

"There's...a hole...in my pocket..." Max gasped, standing totally rigid.

"WHAT!" Monica shouted. "Don't be stupid, there's nothing wrong with a hole in your pocket."

"But my wrench has fallen down my leg." Max whimpered.

Monica huffed in frustration and expertly cut Max's pants off, freeing the wrench from its torment.

"Hey, it's kinda cold all of a sudden." Max said as blood began to drip down his leg (okay, not that expertly).

"Never mind that, look at this chest."

Just then every male character in Dark Chronicle, including Dark Element, rushed in shouting about an invitation to look at Monica's chest.

"NO NO NO!" Monica screamed, stamping her foot. "I'm talking about a TREASURE CHEST. All of you get out of here, NOW!"

Everyone wandered off, looking slightly disappointed at the turn of events.

"Now Max. Look at what's in this TREASURE chest. Twenty loaves of bread; a valuable addition to our supplies."

"Wait a sec" Max limped forward. "Won't that bread be stale?"

Monica glared at him and hissed "What?"

"Well that bread must have been in there for a long time and it's bound to have gone stale by now. Besides, I don't wanna eat dry bread anyway

"STOP, right there. Things don't work like that here. Bread doesn't go stale, cheese doesn't go mouldy and you can eat and drink everything you have in one go without getting sick, right?"

Max scratched his head.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I DON'T CARE!" Monica bellowed. "THAT'S THE WAY THINGS ARE! NOW GO FIND SOME OF YOUR STUPID POTATO PIE TO MAKE YOU TOUGHER!"

Max looked affronted.

"Well what about you and your Witch Parfait? What in the name of _Borneo's_ balls is a Parfait supposed to be!"

"Don't you freakin' well talk back to me. Parfait is cool."

"No it isn't. In fact neither is Potato Pie. All the food in this place sucks. The only good food is the Fluffy Doughnut from Dark Cloud."

Monica growled "Well they don't exist here anymore"

Suddenly a voice came out of nowhere and said "Actually I've just made a small crossover in this fic so now there are thousands of Fluffy Doughnuts in Sidain."

**Sindain**

"Ugh...I'm drowning in doughnuts. Ugh...doughnut death."

**Back to wherever the heck M 'n' M are**

"WHAT?" they yelled simultaneously.

"That CAN'T happen." said Monica.

"Oh shut up. Doughnuts here we come!"

Max dragged a struggling Monica out the door and towards the station.

"No, lemme go, I can't be seen with a guy with no pants."

However, when they got to the station there was a nasty surprise waiting for them.

"Sorry." said that weird man or woman with the red hair that I can't remember the name of. "Ferdinand got on the train and it broke."

"Oh what?" M 'n' M said, glaring at Ferdinand whose body was crammed into one of the carriages, causing it to bend out of shape (his body I mean, not the carriage).

Suddenly a car fell out of the sky and landed on the red haired man/woman. Then the voice appeared again and said "Hey M 'n' M. Why don't you use the car?"

Both of them just stared for a moment, before yelling "YAY! JOYRIDE!"

**5 minutes later, even though it only takes like three seconds to travel from one far away place to another**

Max and Monica were speeding down a random path, Monica at the wheel on account of Max had finally realised he was half naked and his attention was on trying to cover his skinny little legs from the readers of this pointless fic.

"Hey looked." Monica shouted over the howling of the wind. "It's Flotsam."

Sure enough, Flotsam was standing in the middle of the road, trying and failing to look scary.

"Let's stop and beat him up." she suggested.

"No, let's tie him to a tree and shoot at him." Max said

"Let's be nice to him." said a random voice. An argument ensured.

"BEAT HIM UP!"

"SHOOT HIM!"

"BE NICE!"

Flotsam was run over while they continued to fight (like you didn't see that coming, huh?)

After a complete waste of time not worth mentioning, they arrived at Mount Gundor, which then led to an argument concerning Monica's driving skills.

"How can you drive to the wrong place? It was right in our path. How the heck could you miss it?" Max yelled.

"It's not my fault, damn it!" Monica shouted. "You were the navigator. You should have told me the correct way to go. Why weren't you looking at the map?"

"I didn't buy a map. I bought a GPS system which you wouldn't let me take."

"I've already said you can't bring a GPS system! We're not supposed to have them. Since when did people in this world travel into space to set up satellites?"

"When Toan used the Moon Ship to go to Yellow Dro-"

"SHUT UP!" Monica yelled again. "I gave you money to go and buy a MAP. I told you to do that. _I, _am the one who's in the right here."

"And the GPS system that fits in my pocket is more accurate than any bloody map and you told me to leave it behind!"

"You ain't got a pocket no more you scrawny little runt!"

"Stuck up snob!"

"Ooh, heavy…not!"

As they continued to argue, a figure appeared from nowhere. He was wearing a looooong coat, and appeared to be half cyborg, half strange black creature with yellow eyes.

"Hey peeps!" he called cheerfully.

Max and Monica just stared at him, till he said "Well say something then."

"What time is it?" said Monica.

"How old are you?" said Max.

The strange man sighed.

"I was actually thinking you might ask my name. I am in fact SPG inc. And I am also the strange voice in this story; except for that random voice who wanted you to be nice (dunno who the heck that was)."

"Hey. You can't be SPG." said Max. "SPG's a guy, not a weird half cyborg half weird evil creature."

"Look," the alleged fic writer said. "I _am _the author, and I _am _a guy, but when people go on (particularly if they appear in a story) they take on a new identity to hide their shameful past, which is why I am half cyborg, half heartless. WHOOPS! Copyright theft! censors the word heartless"

"Anyway, I've come here to find out the answer to a question that has plagued Dark Chronicle enthusiasts for a long time...do you to fancy each other?"

"WHAT!" Max yelled.

"WHAT KIND OF STUPID ASS QUESTION IS THAT!" Monica yelled.

"OF COURSE I FANCY HER! SHE'S THE HOTTEST THING TO WALK THE EARTH SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE HUMAN RACE!" Max yelled again.

"WHAT?" Monica yelled _again. _"HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT!"

"The really unfair thing was that we didn't have a wonderful romantic bit at the end of the game. All we had was 'Bye Mom. I know! I'll write a letter to you saying everything I did.' then the players are supposed to be like 'Oh, that's the letter he was writing throughout the game. Oh isn't that clever.' which actually it is NOT!"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU MAX!" Monica shouted (so much shouting).

"But Monica. I LOVE YOU!"

"Wait a sec... I LOVE YOU TOO!"

M 'n' M promptly fell on the floor and started making out, totally ignorant of SPG inc's presence.

"ARRRGH! CUT THAT CRAP! THIS IS ONLY A T RATED FIC!" he shouted. They continued despite his complaints.

"Argh, man! I'm gonna end this fic before things go too far."

"Too late..." Max murmured

"AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

**End**

**_Credit to PugDragon for the joyride joke and Almost there and back again for the GPS joke._**

**_Max: Can't come up with anything original?_**

**_Shut up!_**

_**Please R and R**_


End file.
